Let’s face it, there is an overabundance of information found on the web on everything from w8ing for marriage before entering a sexual relationship to virginity pledges, including a million reasons why they work and why they don’t work, facts and myths on STDs, teen pregnancy and emotional repercussions – the list goes on and on. We thought this would a great time to answer a few questions many teens have. Have a specific question not answered here? Drop us a line, we’ll do our best to address your questions with answers that are both factual and realistic. Also, you can visit our site at TheQuietWitness.com. You’ll discover a site that’s chock full of information, articles and even beautiful jewelry that will help you memorialize your commitment to w8 until marriage.
Why should I w8 for marriage?
This is the number one question we receive at The Quiet Witness. We like to use the analogy of the feeling of accomplishment when you prepare for a test. When you “cover the bases” by studying and doing the homework, you don’t worry about that test coming up. While your friends are sweating the details because they didn’t study, you’re able to get a good night’s sleep with the knowledge that you have everything you need to ace it. The same holds true with abstaining from sex. You’re just better prepared and you don’t have to worry about pregnancy, the possibility of a sexually transmitted disease and if you break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, while it might be tough, when sex is involved, it’s amplified greatly. It’s that peace of mind and knowing the decisions you’re making aren’t adding to the stress in your busy life. That peace of mind is missed most when you don’t have it.
What if I’ve already lost my virginity?
Odds are, it was an important decision that might have felt anything but what everyone says it would feel like. There’s a good chance you were a fearful, especially afterwards, and you may have discovered it was anything but that magical moment you thought it would be. You can, however, recommit to w8ing for marriage. You can make a new start, make better decisions and allow yourself to heal from the emotional weight you likely have been carrying. Remember, sex is a physical act, but it’s also a mental and emotional act, too. Changing your mindset allows you to change your emotions; this time, there are no regrets, sorrows or wishes to “go back”. The commitment you make to yourself will lead to more mature decisions and a bigger sense of pride in the person you’ve yet to become.
My girlfriend says she’ll dump me if I stop having sex.
This is always a tough one for us, because we know it’s not as simple as “just break up with her”. It doesn’t work that way, does it? It will likely be painful and even tempting to give in, but you have to remember, your decisions should be made for you and no one else. Sometimes, we simply must have faith in those things we can’t see, hear, feel or touch. This is where wisdom and maturity play a big role in our lives. If the two of you can’t stand together in this important aspect of your lives, then maybe taking a step back from each other will provide perspective. If she still insists, then you should know there are girls who share that same commitment to w8. Better still, take some time for yourself – get to know who you are.
Do purity vows really help?
Absolutely! Purity vows and dating contracts are concrete; they serve as a physical reminder that not only memorializes your decision to abstain from sex, but it also symbolize the definitive choice you and your family have made for your future. Many teens have written to tell us that looking over to their dressers where the vow is framed and in clear view is enough to re-energize their commitment. Others say when they doubt anything in their lives – not only the pressures of abstaining from sex – they can pull strength from the vow and know that they are capable of making really good decisions. The old saying of “one good choice leads to another good choice” has never been truer.
